Sail Away

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Posts by Sail Away

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  11

  Boundaries

  by AllTimeJeff in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  this post hopefully will get you thinking about therapy, along with good mental and emotional health if you are dealing with the traumatic choices associated with leaving jw's, or if you are considering leaving.

  because it is a trauma.. imagine a married couple in their late 30's.

  because they took last weeks watchtower seriously, they have decided to talk to an elder in their congregation because they have practiced oral sex on each other, and feel a need to confess and get "spiritual help.".

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  Sail Away

  I have been referred for EMDR for treatment of C-PTSD and Religious Trauma. I met with the therapist for the first time last week. He has family experience with JWs (sister-in-law was kicked out of her family home for smoking pot at age 16), so he knows they are a cult. Not having to bring him up to speed on that is a plus. His first recommendation was to read Facing Codependence, by Pia Mellody. Card-carrying member of the club here with very poor boundaries. Second appointment is tomorrow, so I'm not having a good day today. I just can't keep going the way things are. Thanks for posting, AllTimeJeff.
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  9

  Time Gained by Leaving JW World

  by Farmer Jim1 in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  does anyone else wonder at the amount of time a person immediately gains when they leave the jws?.

  just today, a sunday, i would have woken up at 7, frantically taken a highlighter pen to my wt to make it look like i had made a deep study of it.

  packed my stuff for meeting and ministry, cycled to the kh, joined the pre meeting ministry arrangement, rushed back for the meeting, sat through a sometimes interesting public talk, sometimes mind-numbingly dull one, strained through a wt study to which i usually had more questions than answers.

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  Sail Away

  When I was raising my two children alone (husband faded when they were toddlers) in the Lie, it was a solid 20+ hours a week for 20 years. This doesn't include the times I "temporary", "full-time" or "auxiliary" pioneered.
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  81

  Roll Call for the benefit of Newbies and Lurkers. In One Sentence tell why you left the Org.

  by Wasanelder Once in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  roll call for the benefit of newbies and lurkers.

  in one sentence tell why you left the org.

  not 2 sentences.

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  Sail Away

  I had more than a few doctrinal issues, and the over-lapping generation teaching was my tipping point, so that, together with my refusal to shun my disfellowshipped son caused me to walk away after 42 years.
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  22

  Disfellowshipped/disassociated – How did your parents handle it?

  by Richard_I in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  to those who were disfellowshipped/disassociated – how did your still-in parents handle it?.

  i don’t want to fade, so i am thinking about disassociating soon – i don’t care if i’m playing by the org’s rules, i just want out.. however, i am concerned about how my parents will react.

  i don’t want them to become super depressed or whatever due to me leaving the org.. i don’t want them to be hurt by my decision to leave the org, but i feel like there is no way of avoiding this..

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  Sail Away

  My husband was raised in from age five, a former FT pioneer, Bethelite and MS. He faded in his early thirties, never DF'd or DA'd. They shunned him and applied the 'essential family business' rule for decades, including giving his then faithful JW wife (me) and baptized children the cold shoulder. We are all out now, but they didn't know that.

  My in-laws health started declining rapidly in their 90's. The elders called my husband and told him it was his responsibility to care for his aging parents (He is an only child.) There has been a lot of drama, including the passing of my MIL.

  Now my husband talks with his Dad every night at 6:30 pm. If he is late in calling, his father calls him. Funny thing that his Dad learned how to initiate phone calls after all these years! Still 'essential family business', IMO. His Dad needs him to run his rental property business which will be liquidated upon death. Proceeds to go to the WTB&T$.

  Now my FIL wants me to travel 1,000 miles round trip and go through my MIL's clothes and shoes (not even close to my size) to see if I want anything. Oh, and, "It would be great if we could bring a large van to haul out the rest of her stuff." Direct quote. And we should stay in a hotel, because I refuse to sleep on a 40-year-old mattress that wreaks my back. Apparently it is "asking too much" to replace the mattress for my comfort. This said on the same day he got a $65,000 check for the rights to put a single windmill on one of his properties. I think not. Bat sh*t crazy. You can't make this stuff up.
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  16

  When You See A JW Approaching What Are Your Thoughts?

  by minimus in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i used to get a weird feeling in my stomach when i would see a witness approaching.... almost a sense of dread.

  now, i really don’t care.

  i have even made it a point to do the approaching when i see a witness trying to convert an ignorant person..

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  Sail Away

  I smile and exchange pleasantries with those I know. It happened again last week. I visited with four JWs, including one who was a MS last I knew, at a local pizza parlor. This after being out 7 years. A clean break. I just walked away. Doctrine doesn't come up. I have been told that I am seen as "stumbled". If that were so, there would be good cause for the rumor. Clearly, they did not announce my name from the platform when I resigned.

  That said, when I see cart witnessing, a JW.bOrg sign on a KH or any Christian icon or image, for that matter; it triggers my PTSD. It happened again yesterday. My husband had surgery at a local hospital that has stained glass windows with images of the Christ and crucifixes throughout the building. It totally freaked me out. Images and symbols from other religions do not have this effect. I have felt both pity and rage seeing JWs going door to door. It is so unsettling.
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  24

  Circuit Overseer Meets with Elders and Ministerial Servants

  by accesible in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ¿necesitan los demás bosquejos?.

  https://drive.google.com/open?id=1dvhuodkcahf6efu2xqxfk6o8ambqe5rm.

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  Sail Away

  The accusation may, or may not, meet the Scriptural definition of drunkenness. Legal blood-alcohol limits vary depending on local laws and do not necessarily establish that a person was Biblically drunk.

  "Biblically drunk"?
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  41

  suicide

  by zeb in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  who among us has known a jw who has committed suicide.

  i believe this as a separate subject has not been covered..

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  Sail Away

  Two suicides-- one a mentally impaired young man who said good-bye to everyone and gave away his most prized possessions at the meeting earlier that night. If the elders actually had some training, they could have seen the signs. The second, the shunned son of an elder and his pioneer mother, parked in his car in front of their home. He left a note saying he couldn't bare to knock on the door and be sent away again. When the mother died of cancer many years later, they didn't even mention that she had two sons, only a "sister that was like a daughter to her." The bastards deleted them from her life.

  One probable suicide-- a young man on his motorcycle the night it was announced that he was DF'd.

  Two attempts-- one a recently divorced DF'd elder, shunned by his P.O. father and cold-hearted elderette mother (daughter of an "annointed" colporter). She literally said to me that her son "didn't deserve to be in paradise". The second, my own son, but thankfully, I found him in time. I walked away a year later when they DF'd him for not getting his act together soon enough. I wasn't about to kick him to the curb and shun him.
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  21

  Mea culpa..

  by zeb in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  just a few hours ago i took my wife (uber) to the hall with eats she had prepared as the cong are doing some work there.

  i had not set foot onto the kh property in years and my stomach went into a knot as i did.

  well what happened?

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  Sail Away

  Zeb, so many are finding freedom because of the ARC and your courageous efforts.

  May you find comfort and peace during this difficult time. ⚘⚘⚘

  Diane
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  26

  The laziness of JW parents....

  by stuckinarut2 in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  it struck me that the society has created a culture of lazy jw parenting.. rather than parents being there to guide and direct and help their children through all stages of life, the gb / society has become the "go-too" for everything.. if the child has an issue, there is a wt article for that.. does the child need help with something else?

  ah, there is a caleb and sophia cartoon for that.. what about that other topic?

  ah, there is a book for that.. so rather than being present parents, the average jw parent simply outsources their parenting to the organization!

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  Sail Away

  SummerAngel
  Add to that home schooling equals no education. No school clubs or hobbies to encourage no outtings to help them learn any spare time get knocking doors

  No logical fallacies here.
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  11

  EMDR Therapy Anyone?

  by Brian J in

  1. watchtower
  2. medical

  two+ months into marital counseling for my wife (pimi) and i (pimo).

  wife after decades of marriage decides for the first time to bring up separation due to, drum-roll please...... absolute endangerment of spiritual life.

  a spouse may constantly try to make it impossible for the mate to pursue true worship or may even try to force that mate to break god’s commands in some way.

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  Sail Away

  Brian J, I'm so sorry your wife is using this flimsy excuse to break up your marriage.

  To answer your question, I tried EMDR for three sessions, and the therapist decided she couldn't help me, because I didn't feel safe in my own body. She recommended another therapy. What would you like to know?

  My question for you is why is the therapist recommending EMDR for you? This therapy is used to work with trauma. You didn't mention that in your post.

  Diane